She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
