You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
