the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize