How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize