dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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