Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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