Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
