Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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