do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
