Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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