I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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