there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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