Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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