I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
