I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
