the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
