My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
