its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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