do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
