Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
