I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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