hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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