seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
