Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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