Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
