Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
