Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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