I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
