Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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