Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There are leaves in my underwear?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
