You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Boobs speak an international language.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
