I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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