The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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