i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
