thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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