I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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