i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
