Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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