Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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