come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
