He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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