Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize