But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
