We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
