i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
