Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
