apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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