i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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