I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
