Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
