Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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