He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
