I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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