At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
