there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
