3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
