So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
