but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize