She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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