just tell him i said nine months
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
is it fun? or sober?
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