best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
