he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
3 2 1 whiskey
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
