I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
