i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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