I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This baby is an asshole
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
