I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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