I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
