he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
