you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
