So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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