You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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