I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
