i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
sex in a hospital.. check
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your penis caused this!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize