there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
